Some thoughts

I was thinking the other day, (this is something I do on occasion,) and I thought about all of the thoughts that I imagine myself writing down (typing) and how I never actually get around to doing that. I am going to make a concerted effort to write more. Or maybe rant more. I don't know. That's what blogs are for, though, right? I used to have a live-journal page that I ranted away on multiple times a week. I liked it. It was... therapeutic. So here goes. Here are some of my thoughts.

Lilia is always sick when Cliff is gone. I have dealt with fever, projectile vomiting, Emergency Room visits, blood tests, catheters, chest x-rays, Japanese hospitals, Yokosuka, incompetent doctors, not to mention the usual annoying congestion and cough, ALL ON MY OWN almost always. I am grateful that Cliff was here last year when Lilia had group b strep, but otherwise it has always been just me. It's not fun. In fact, for the most part it is pretty awful and sometime down right terrifying. Lilia had a 104 temp this past week that lasted nearly seven days. The first doctor we saw told me it was teething. I didn't agree and got a second opinion from another crappy doctor who told me it was a virus and gave me the incorrect dosage for tylenol, (do they even GO TO MEDICAL SCHOOL??) I went back in after the 4th day of the fever and they told me that fevers don't normally go that long and that I should come back in a couple more days if the fever persists because that wouldn't be normal and they would be pretty concerned at that point. Well sure enough, it persisted and we had to run a bunch of tests on Lilia ( who literally fought kicking a screaming,) and all we came up with was that it MIGHT me a UTI. *sigh* I just feel helpless out here. Navy medicine is really great if you are healthy. Most of the time I don't want to complain because it is free... but you pay for it in other ways. You always end up paying. I don't want to get into a huge health care debate here, because this blog is for ME, not for you, but I am looking forward to the day when I can choose my doctors again and decide for myself whether I want to use the Navy's program exclusively.

Anywho, Lilia is on antibiotics now for a possible UTI. Her fever finally came down today, but we may never know if that is because of the medicine or if this really was a virus that just took a really really long time to run it's course. Either way it is tough to watch your little one suffer and not know what to do for them. It's even harder to get a call from your husband who is India or Thailand or Indonesia or Mars and have to explain what is going on knowing he is listening and sulking because he can't help. They got a urine sample from her but were unable to draw blood, (they couldn't find a vein through all of her chub,) and so we are waiting on the culture from the sample to confirm if it really was a UTI or not. If it is, she will have to go down to Yokosuka for further evaluation and imaging and if it was negative for UTI we will have to decide whether or not to keep her on the antibiotics. By we, I mean the doctor and myself. Cliff will hear about the decision long after it has been made. This is the way it works around here.

Now please, don't get me wrong. Most days I love our lives here in Japan. Cliff has a wonderful job and he is an amazing provider, husband, and father. I just need to make very clear that the military has it's ups and downs. You learn to turn your lemons into lemonade out here fast or else you are going to wander aimlessly and despondently through life with a nasty pucker face. I have made some WONDERFUL friends out here. Chrissy left work to go to Singapore with me when we found out that Cliff's ship wouldn't be pulling into port. She also came to the E.R. with me yesterday and stayed by my side and even helped us pin Lilia down for her catheter. Friends like that don't come along every day. You also have the chance to BE a great friend out here and you learn about service. You learn to bake an extra batch of cookies when you are in the kitchen and to wave and smile at EVERYONE you see. You learn to surround yourself with uplifting encourage people and let go of the gossips and the pessimists. You become more compassionate. More adventurous. More independent. You learn what really matters and to discard what really doesn't. You learn to be flexible. You learn a lot about calendars.

That is my rant for today. Thank you for enduring (it) if you made it this far.