Hurry up and Wait... Some Thoughts on Patience.

Hurry up and Wait is the mantra of a military wife. Wait on husbands to return from deployments, wait on orders, wait on furniture to arrive when you are moving... from a different country. Wait on babies to be born... oh, wait, that has nothing to do with the military. :)

So the May family is finally together again and we have made it to Virginia. The waiting on Cliff is over! We bought a lovely home in a dreamy neighborhood. We have received our "express shipment" of clothing and cleaning supplies, but are still waiting on our house hold goods and furniture and we are DESPERATELY still waiting on our washer and dryer. If all this waiting wasn't enough, we are also waiting for our second daughter to be born.

You would think that the second time around you would know just exactly what to do when it came to labor and contractions, etc. There are a couple of minor grievances with this pregnancy, though... (ok well actually I've had a lot of issues, but that's another whiny rant...) So I have been having contractions fairly consistently for about two and half ... maybe three weeks now. They are consistently about 15 minutes apart. Early labor. Annoying, but effective at very gradually dilating this cervix of mine. At my last appt at a little over 38 weeks I was dilated to almost a 4 and 60% effaced. The tricky thing is that sometimes my contractions get really close together and are pretty intense for a few hours at a time. The other day we were sure we were going to the hospital when they were about 2-4 min apart and becoming more and more intense.... but then I went to lay down and try and get some rest in preparation of long labor and, oops! they went away. This has happened a few times. I have even had some bloody show along with these intense contractions. So false labor, right? I guess so... The problem is that Lilia (as many of you know,) had group B strep and I, therefore, need to be on antibiotics for this delivery. I need to be on them for a min. of 4 hours, but preferably 6 hours prior to delivering. My O.B. even said that to play it safe she would rather I just go ahead and come into the hospital if my contractions are 10 min or less apart for an hour. Yuck! How tricky is that? That seems to happen all the time now, but then they go away! I wanted to try and labor as much at home with this pregnancy, but I also want to avoid another GBS baby like the devil himself. I don't want to get to the hospital and have it turn out to be false labor yet again, but I also don't want to risk missing the real deal and accidentally missing that 4-6 hour window... or worse having my baby in my bath tub at home!! (I know people that have done this and who can tell with a second baby??) Ugh... I guess I am just annoyed. I'm tired of being pregnant and I am still throwing up. I am tired of being pregnant, but also incredibly anxious about our lack of furniture and no washer and dryer. Can't someone just tell me exactly what to do and when this baby is going to come?

Well... sort of. My doctor at my last appt. decided that she didn't want to wait another full week to see us and had me schedule another appt. for Friday when I will be 39 weeks. At that point she wants me to seriously consider being induced - either that day or maybe scheduling for Monday. Answer to all of our prayers? Maybe. I am a little weary of an induction. What does that even mean? She said they would try stripping membranes and such first. That definitely worked for Lilia. I just don't know how I feel about pitocin. I have never heard anything good about it, but if it can get things going and I can be on the antibiotics in time it would be worth it, right?

So that is my life right now. Waiting and waiting. And waiting.

June Update

I am up late because I am stressed out and pissed off about some things right now, so what better outlet is there than blogging? Right? Right.

The above picture was taken about a month ago out in Utah. Cliff flew in from Japan for a whirlwind trip of car buying, house hunting, and surprise family visiting. I wish he could have stayed for longer, but HOPEFULLY he will be back stateside before too long and this time it will be for a few years. I can not even begin to express how much I am looking forward to a shore tour. I am giddy with excitement. Having my husband home every night?? What that must be like!!

I don't even know where to begin with updates... I haven't really kept track of what I have and haven't written. Too exhausting right now. Instead of coherency you get stream of conscience tonight and you will be happy with that.

Lilia is the absolute light of my (and everyone near hers) life right now. We have experienced an explosion of language this past month. She is speaking more and more clearly and stringing sentences together left and right. I was always a little worried about her speech and whether or not she was keeping up with others her age, but my concerns are gone for now. She is quite the little chatter box and says the most delightful things. Some of my favorite phrases are "Mama I love," and "Mama I ADORE you!" Does it get any better than that? Some other things she has been saying lately include:

" (fill in the blank,) I want it!"
"puppy outside? puppy in a room? puppy eat? puppy smooch? No no puppy!" (and other various "puppy phrases.") She is obsessed with dogs and my mom's and sister's dogs in particular.

"go to nursey?" (Nursery at Church.) She LOVES nursery and drags my waddling figure there every Sunday down the hall. I have to hold her back from mad dashing through the church building.

"I like it!"

"Where are you?"

"Sit mama!" "Up mama!" "Out mama!" "Night night Mama!" and many other "mama commands."

She also says to Cliff on the phone "Miss you daddy. *Smooch*" This melts me. She is just such a sweetie.



Lilia is also SUPER affectionate. I don't know if other toddlers are affectionate like she is, but man she is a little sugar pie. She loves to give hugs and kisses and pats on the back. She loves to snuggle and cuddle and we have "gobble attacks" where we kiss each other silly. I just love her to death. She makes my days and nights brighter and I feel my heart grow bigger when I am around her. I would say that the only negative to this love fest is my growing aprehension about the new baby. I am so worried that I won't have as much time for Lilia and that I will miss things. I am afraid that I won't love the new baby as much as I love Lilia. I know that most mom's feel this way at some point and they have all assured me that there is enough love to go around, but I am just loving my time with Lilia right now. Part of me doesn't want our special bond and time together to ever end. I don't want her to resent the new baby either. No stopping things now, though... we'll just have to see what happens.

In baby news... hmm....
I am still pregnant. I am 33 weeks a long and I feel like this pregnancy is moving at the speed of molasses. So freakin' slow. I'm ready to move a long. Still throwing up. Still having horrendous heartburn. Now I am short of breath and having dizzy spells as well. The midwife said that I am carrying very high and that my diaphram has no where to expand to so I'm not getting as much oxygen as I normally would. I actually blacked out for a minute the other day. She said I need to breathe deeply and make sure my posture is good to allow for as much air as possible. It's true that I don't stand up as straight as I should...

We have picked out a name. I am not revealing it online yet. You can wait a few more weeks. We are planning on having the baby up in Virginia if Cliff can get back in time for us to get up there. I will need to find a new OB stat. I am trying not to stress about these things, but who am I kidding. We will not have furniture in our new house until after the baby comes. I am trying not to stress about that either, but what pregnant woman at the end of her third trimester wants to sleep on an air mattress?? Ok so I am getting pretty complainy here... On the bright side, Cliff should be here for all of this wondrous madness and if we can make it through this summer I really think this fall will be fantastic. I am looking forward to fall in the blue ridge and our new neighborhood is just gorgeous. I am looking forward to our new ward and I am looking forward to Cliff's new job. It should be an adventure. Well... I am tired and have a lot to do tomorrow. Maybe one day I will go back and write more about the earth quake and Japan... but not tonight or anytime soon.

Hello! We're alive!

I don't have any pictures at the moment to post, but I do have LOTS of updates!

-Sooo... I was evacuated from Japan on March 23rd? I think? I have been back in the states living at my parents' house since then.

- We got out official orders! We are moving to Charlottesville, VA and Cliff is going to be teaching ROTC and the University of Virgina. We were originally planning on going to Florida, but the orders weren't available at the time that Cliff was going through the selection board. At first this was hard news for us, but now we are SUPER excited! One of the reasons we are so excited is....

- We are buying a house! We found an adorable home in a lovely neighborhood. We should close at the end of June! Yay!!! A house a house!!!

- Cliff was stateside for two short weeks and in that time we bought a new car (2012 Mazda 5,) we drove to VA and found a house, then we flew out to SLC to visit family for a week and then Cliff turned around and flew back to Japan.

- Lilia turned TWO on may 15th! So crazy! We celebrated in Utah with family. Cliff got to be there this year!! Yay!

- Oh yeah, a LONG time ago ( I am almost 30 weeks now,) I had an ultrasound and we are having another GIRL!!! Lilia is going to have a sister!

So that is a lot of news in a short time. If you haven't already figured it out, I will not be returning to Japan. I was really sad about this for a long time, but I am finally coming around and very excited about Virginia. There have been a lot of changes in our lives recently, but I know that we are under God's direction and that things are going to work out well. I promise I will try and update... more before the baby comes. We plan on heading up to VA at the beginning of July.

Earthquake

My last post seems so ironic now. It was written two days before a devastating 8.9-9 magnitude earthquake struck Japan off of the coast of Sendai. It has been a little more than a week since the quake struck and life has been turned completely upside down. I need to write about this so I don't forget. It just all still seems so surreal. I never thought I would live through a natural disaster, national state of emergency, and military evacuation... Here are some of my thoughts throughout this situation:

Friday March 11th

I was taking a nap in my bedroom with Lilia and I had woken up. She was still asleep and I was just laying there not wanting to disturb her and thinking about... I can't remember. Maybe the English class I was supposed to teach in about an hour. At about 2:45pm the bed started shaking and then the lamps started to shake too. I have experienced numerous earthquakes in my time here so I didn't think too much of it at first, but then it got stronger and it kept going. I heard creaking sounds and people shouting outside. Lilia woke up with a horrified look on her face and our bed was rocking and shaking more than I have ever felt before. I thought it might fall apart. I held Lilia to me and told her it would be ok over and over again. I think I was telling myself too, because the shaking wasn't stopping and I was beginning to feal frightened. Usually earthquakes around here last about 30 seconds to a minute or so. This one went on and on. I have heard that it was over three minutes, but maybe even 4 where we were. The whole house was creaking and books were falling off of shelves. Finally I got us out of the bed and went into the hallway where there were no windows or pictures on the wall. The shaking stopped and I carried Lilia around the house to assess damage. We had nothing break. Picture frames were all askew on the walls and some had fallen down. A few books had fallen. Wow! I thought! That was totally crazy! I jumped on Facebook to announce that that was by far the largest quake I had ever felt. I had no idea what it meant for others further away at this point. My friend Leia came over about 15 minutes later and told me she didn't want to be alone. "Can I hang out with you for a bit?" "sure!!" I told her I would have to pick up my English student soon, but she was more than welcome to join me. We felt an aftershock before we left. It was strong too. We headed out to my car and drove off base to pick up Minako. She wasn't there. She is never late. I decided to wait for 10 minutes and then go back home. When she didn't show we came back home and I had received a very curt e-mail from her saying that she had to cancel. Leia and I stayed together and then decided to go out to dinner. We didn't feel like cooking. We went to eat and experienced further aftershocks at the restaurant. Everyone was on edge. After we finished eating I went home and made some phone calls and checked my e-mails. At first the earthquake was labeled as a 7.4 or so but the number climbed and climbed. There were tsunamis and further warnings. I was sick with worry over Cliff who had left for deployment the day before and his ship was due to pull out of Yokosuka that afternoon. When I heard about the first tsunami I frantically called the XO's wife to see if anyone knew if his ship had gotten out to sea! They had and I relaxed a little. I spent the evening watching the horror of this disaster unfold. We had aftershocks throughout the night. I was in disbelief.

To be continued....

Seriously SOOOOO Blessed

If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. That's what I learned from watching "Bambi" as a kid. I think you can take that phrase in a different direction and also say "If you can't say something positive, don't say anything at all." My lack of blogging has been due to the latter. A huge pet peeve of mine is hearing people complain about every little thing all week and all day long. I can't stand it. Probably because I am guilty of this myself often enough. Don;t we always hate in others what we see in ourselves? Well this year I am making a concerted effort to not complain. I decided that if those people on facebook that update their status with a complaint drive me bonkers - then I had better not be putting any of that crap online either. So there! Now you can hold me accountable!

Most of this new attitude was brought on by the morning sickness, but I had an epiphany this past weekend. Cliff and I got some pretty wretched news concerning his career and our future and I have to be honest - I did NOT take it well... at first. The first night I was angry and bitter and physically hurting. I developed a terrible migraine and couldn't sleep at all that night. I tossed and turned and was physically sick. I prayed all night long that I could be at peace with this turn of events and come to accept God's will and our circumstances. The next morning I had an incredible experience. The sun came through our window and woke me up. Cliff and Lilia were out in the front room laughing and playing and "The Messiah" was playing quietly through our speakers. I usually hate waking up early on Sunday mornings scrambling to get ready for church and feeling groggy and queasy, but this morning was so different. I knew it was the answer to my all-night prayer. I felt lighter than air and OPTIMISTIC! God loves me and my family and didn't want me to worry or be unhappy. I decided right then and there that I was going to follow His lead and choose to look at our situation differently. Did I have every reason to be scared, upset, and angry? Maybe. Was anyone forcing me to feel those things? Absolutely not. It was my choice and I felt powerful. Being miserable doesn't change your situation. It just makes you miserable. You can be the victim all your life or you can take charge. Now does this mean I am never going to get mad or upset again? Uhh... have you ever been the Base Health Clinic Atsugi??? The difference is that where you can change your circumstances, change them! Where you can't, you can't and stewing about it isn't going to help anyone.

So now on to the blessings!! This is where I get sappy and annoying, so if you aren't up for it - move along! Cliff and I have been so incredibly blessed throughout our lives and our marriage. So far in his career we have had literally everything work out in our favor. We got to spend the first year and a half of our marriage living in beautiful sunny Florida relaxing and traveling and loving life! After Florida Cliff got his first choice of station leaving flight school and we headed off to Japan! Have deployments been fun? Not really. But we have traveled to Thailand and Guam and China. I have been to Sapporo Japan and Singapore! We have a GORGEOUS daughter and another baby on the way. Have my pregnancies been easy? Not really. But I can GET pregnant and that in and of itself is pretty amazing. I have loving parents both on my side and on Cliff's. I have wonderful friends. Friends that are truly priceless to me. So what if we end up living in hole in Timbuktu with scabies or something... er... we still aren't as bad off as Job! I guess I am just trying to say that it is all about perspective and with a little "spin" you can paint any situation gray or golden. Now for some pictures!!!!!

Pigtails!!!


Lilia makes me laugh every single day. She is just the sweetest little thing and she has been my angel and greatest gift. Her little personality amazes me. She is talking up a storm and says the funniest things. We have been trying to teach her some manners and she is awesome with "please" and "thank you" so we have been trying "no thank you." The other day I was brushing her teeth and she was visibly growing impatient. She pushed the tooth brush away and said "thank you, NO!" ha ha!! (It was more like "dee doo, NO!" but you get the idea.)

Lilia usually crashes on the way home from Church. This is Cliff carrying her in.
Poor little sleepy! Those pigtails just crack me up every time.
She loves hats and shoes. She has so many different hats, because the Japanese make adorable and reasonably priced hats that I can't resist. I usually get a fashion show every day. A large portion of Lilia's vocabulary is devoted to apparel.

She was teething something terrible the other day. I gave her a tooth brush to chew on and she was happy as a clam.
Eh... happy?
Cute shoes from the "Bunny" store! They were only 500 yen!

I think she just looks like a little kid in this picture. Definitely not a baby anymore.
Ok, so my last preachy rant is on happiness in general. Is it attainable? You bet! Elder Uchtdorf gave a wonderful talk in conference a couple of years ago about happiness. We are all supposed to be happy, but we have to actively take steps to do so. He recommended creation and compassion. Everyone of us has the capacity to create something every single day. It may be a fabulous work of art or culinary masterpiece or it may be a room full of laughter or a smile. It doesn't matter. We can all create. I made a diaper cake for the first time the other day and I felt so satisfied. It just felt good to make something where there wasn't something before. I am going to make it a goal to try and create something new at least every week. Even if it is just cookies. And then I am going to share my cookies! I may be pregnant, but a batch of cookies for myself each week might have some serious consequences....
Ok... so I can't remember what else I was going to write or rant about, so I will wrap it up. Cliff is talking to me and honestly I would rather go talk to him now that he is home. Life is good.

Who Is That Baby??

It's Cliff!!! People are always asking me where Lilia gets her chubalub. They look at me and say "You're so tiny! Where did all of her delicious rolls come from??" And I reply "she most definitely got them from her daddy." Now strangers seems to accept this and continue on their way, but my friends that know Cliff personally usually pause for a moment and then burst out laughing.

"Cliff?? You've got to be kidding! He is so skinny!"

While that is certainly true now, it wasn't always that way! Lilia DEFINITELY takes after her daddy. See for your self!

Cliff and his older sister. Aren't they cute??
Look at all of that hair he had too!
Aww! It's a mini Lilia!


This last picture totally reminds me of Lilia. Look at those cheeks! Don't you just want to squeeze them? Anyway - now you know! Lilia is her father's daughter!

Playing in the Snow