Quick rant

First off, let me make it very clear that I LOVE my kids. I love them both and would do anything for them. I worry about them endlessly and their smiles make my days worth living. Having said I am now going to rant away...

I really can't stand it when people tell me how much they LOVE the newborn stage and wish their babies would just stay small and sweet and cuddly forever. What drives me even crazier, though, is when people tell ME that I should cherish this "wonderful" time and enjoy every single second I have with my precious little angel. "They grow up so fast! Don't waste a single precious moment!" UGH! I hate newborns. There. I said it. To me they scream all the time that they are awake and project poop and vomit everywhere. What exactly is there to love about this time period? Maybe some newborns sleep all day long and other parents are getting 8 hrs of sleep after the first month, but our babies and our household just doesn't seem to work out that way. Don't get me wrong, I was just as thrilled as any other mother when Ivy started smiling a few days ago and ran to get the camera, (too late, of course,) but I see the smiles and occasional sleeping periods as lucky and wondrous abnormalities in the normal routine. The newborn period for me is something to be endured - something to survive. And survive we will. We have done it before and will do it again. I know it will get better. It's a completely different story once they get to 5 or 6 months old. Give me a babbling, cooing, interactive 6 month old any day!! And I absolutely ADORE toddlers. I can't WAIT until Ivy gets to be a year old. Maybe I am a horrible person, but mostly I just think I am realistic. Lilia was such a tough baby that Cliff and I weren't sure we would ever have any more. It took her becoming a toddler that I finally changed my mind and thought I could do it again. I don't want anyone's sympathy. We knew what we were getting into and we know that it's WORTH it when they get a little older. It really is. But, please don't lecture me about this "precious" and thankfully temporary time period. I don't want to hear it. The end.

New House Teaser

Welcome to our new house! I haven't been very good about posting pictures or really updating the blog in general... but we have a new baby and just moved.
Isn't it cute? We were so excited to be able to get a stand alone home in this area. We were all set to buy a town home as that was really all we could afford, (this is Virginia,) but we really feel like we lucked out with this one.
Another huge plus to this particular home is the ADORABLE neighborhood. It was a huge selling point. It's kind of a cross between Mayberry and Wisteria Lane. I feel like I live on a movie set... which is funny because apparently "Evan Almighty" was filmed in our neighborhood. I've never seen it, but I think I need to rent it now....
These are the homes to the left of our house. Our neighbors are just plain awesome. So friendly. Our immediate next door neighbors are our age and first time homeowners as well. They let us use their washer and dryer while we waited for ours to come... and waited and waited...
Ok, so these are a little out of order, but this is the main road in the neighborhood. It is SUCH a pretty drive. We literally live at the base of the Blue Ridge Mtns.
This is the house across the street from us. So cute!!!
Another view of the neighborhood. Those huge houses on the left are part of the neighborhood, but NOT the part we live in... They all list at over $900,000. It's crazy to me growing up in the south where the same house would sell for at least $4-500,000 less. Location is everything!
This is the section of the neighborhood where we are.


So Cliff and I became homeowners at the very end of June. We almost didn't have time to celebrate between a new baby coming and a move from Japan. This started out as an incredibly difficult move for us, but has turned into a tremendous blessing. Although the area is a lot more expensive than Pensacola or even Jacksonville would have been for us, we are so grateful to be here and as you can see, the views are spectacular. We feel like we live in a national park. The people here are wonderful and Cliff is actually really enjoying his new job. Even more than his job, though, we are LOVING the time we get to spend with him. He is home every night and usually by 4p.m. It's incredible.

Life with two children has been an adjustment for me. I used to be able to just pick up and go with Lilia. We went out every day. We went shopping and out to lunch and to the park and we just always on the go. Although Ivy isn't quite as fussy as Lilia was, she is still pretty fussy. We are just now starting to venture out on our own without Cliff and It's pretty physically exhausting. The good news is that with this baby I have something I didn't have with Lilia. I have perspective. I know that these next few months will be rough. I also know that it WILL get better. Ivy is already a better sleeper than Lilia. She will go 4 and sometimes even 5 hours at night. Lilia didn't get there until she was over 7 months old. I'm grateful to the ward here. The ward members are fabulous and have made us feel very loved and welcome. I am almost embarrassed to admit that we had meals come to us almost every night for over two weeks. I think that the hardest thing for us here in Virginia is going to be leaving in a few years. Can't think about that for a while!!!

So there are my scattered thoughts for now. Maybe next time I will put up some pictures of the baby!!

Lilia-isms

Lilia says the funniest things right now. I love the way her little brain works. The other day I took out one of my nursing pads to throw away and I said something about it being soggy. Lilia was watching and pointed to said pad and exclaimed, " A soggy booby diaper!." Yes, Lilia, I suppose so...

She Just Needed a Little "Push" (A Labor Story)

DISCLAIMER!!! THIS IS GOING TO BE TOO DETAILED FOR SOME OF YOU. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. (I'm thinking of my dear friends that are a little squeamish when it comes to labor and babies in general.) YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!


So remember my last (real) post and how I was so worried and frustrated about this baby coming out? Well I didn't have to worry long!! Here's the breakdown:

So Thursday I was out running errands with my mom and Lilia. We went to Lowes to buy some paint for the house and we ran to Joann's to pick up some fabric for curtains. All of the running around was making us hungry so we were about to go to lunch before heading home when I felt like I needed to use the bathroom. We were at a really tiny Joann's and they didn't have a restroom so I decided to wait until we got to lunch despite my growing discomfort and now a sort of wetness in my pants....
Well at this point I had the thought that maybe my water had broken as my pants were getting wetter, but it wasn't a gush and I wanted to make sure before I rushed off to the hospital just to be told I had peed my pants or something. I made the executive decision to go ahead with our plans for lunch and make a stop in the bathroom there. We arrived at a little Greek cafe a few minutes later and I rushed to the girl's room while my mom ordered our food and got Lilia situated. In the bathroom I discovered that no, I had not peed my pants. I was seeing (and had been feeling,) lots of yucky pink goop. I tried in vain to clean myself up and checked out my back side to see how badly I had soaked through my pants. It wasn't terribly noticeable unless you were really looking, so I rushed back out for a quick lunch! The owner of the restaurant was super sweet and got our DELICIOUS food out to us quickly and even through in a piece of baklava with Cliff's "to go" order on the house! We thanked her profusely and left for home.

At home Cliff was ready with our bags and we got on the phone with my clinic to see what we should do or at least give them a heads up that we were heading out. To give the reader some background, I had been having consistent contractions about 15 min apart for the last 3 weeks that at times would increase in frequency and intensity but never for very long. I was already dilated to 4 cm as of my last appt and because of the GBS situation and my need to be on antibiotics for at least 4, but preferably 6 hours prior to delivery, my doctor said that I should just go straight to labor and delivery if I was ever in any doubt. So even though the contractions weren't getting and stronger or closer together we knew we should go in. We got to triage at the hospital around 2:30 and got hooked up to the monitor while nurses got started on taking samples and running tests to see if it really was amniotic fluid that I had been leaking. They were CRAZY busy so we sat back there for quite a while while nurses and residents ran around and came in and out of our stall to get equipment for other patients. I was feeling pretty good after my delicious lunch and although I was having contractions they were merely annoying and not getting any worse. I was curious to see if it really was my water, and whether they would keep us if it wasn't since they had discussed an induction for the next day anyway. Were we going to have a baby soon? Was I ready?

Well about an hour and a half later they came back in and announced that it was indeed amniotic fluid. Probably a small leak, but a leak none the less. I was being admitted! Crazy! We got to work on some questions and paperwork. At about 4:30 they came in to hook me up to the I.V. for antibiotics. I was starting to feel a little nervous because my contractions had not really increased at all. I was now dilated to a 5, but in absolutely no pain and still not very effaced. Was I going to need pitocin? The O.B. on the scene decided that there was no extreme rush and that they wanted to make sure I got a round of antibiotics in me before going to any further measures. Cliff and I were left in the room to just kick back and chill...

So chill we did.... for 4 hours we just watched T.V. and chatted and chilled. We watched a LOT of Food Network and made a few phone calls. When the nurse came in at 8 to let us know that they were going to start the pitocin I wasn't surprised, but I was a little wary. I hadn't really dilated any more on my own. I was about a 5-6cm. I had heard so many horror stories about how awful the stuff is. They started me on a very low dose and told me it would start to take effect within 20 minutes. They would be back to check on me and make sure that both the baby and I tolerated the medicine well. They also asked me about pain management and medicine at this point. I was not against an epidural and let them know that I would almost certainly want one, but that I was in no pain and didn't see the point and that time. This would later come back to bite me.

For the next two hours or so I continued to chill. I didn't notice the pitocin much at all. They continued to check on us and they turned up the pitocin. My contractions became more frequent and more intense, but still not painful. Our friend Michelle actually stopped by to visit around 10pm or so and stayed and chatted for a while. We laughed and joked around, but I was started to get nervous that NOTHING was happening. Why wasn't I hurting? What if nothing ever happened? Did pitocin not work for some people? Was I going to have to have a c-section? I asked the nurse how much pitocin some people got to get them going. She said the doses went all the way up to 20ml? and I was at 4. She told me not to worry. She was right.

Michelle left at about 10:3o ish and Cliff and I decided that if I was still comfortable I should try and get some sleep. I was afraid it could be a long night ahead of us. I called my mom and told her not to worry about coming over until the morning and there still wasn't much progress. Well.... at about 10:45 I called out to Cliff. I told him I didn't think we were going to be getting any more sleep. I was FINALLY starting to feel a little uncomfortable and decided I would ask for the epidural at this point. The nurses came in and checked me and I was at a 7. They went to get the anesthesiologist and I sat and waited. Here is where things get interesting and FAST.

The anesthesiologist didn't get to the room until after 11:00pm and I had to sign a few sheets of paper and go over a quick medical background with her. I was pacing at this point. She told me it would be a few minutes to get all of her equipment set up and I told her that should be fine. Uh..... turned out it was NOT fine. I was getting increasingly uncomfortable and then I was flat out in PAIN. Contractions were coming fast now and I was having a hard time tolerating them. Cliff was trying counter pressure on my feet and the doctor was finally ready to start the catheter around 11:45 or 11:50. Unfortunately I was having such strong contractions at this point that it was SLOW going getting the needle in. She tried once and I was feeling pain and pressure on my right side so she had to start over. I was not doing well. I was having trouble holding still and crying out from the pain. She and Cliff were trying to talk me through it and I was trembling from pain. We were having to stop so frequently that nothing was getting done. Finally she got it in a good place and asked me to hold still... Another contraction came on and she said, "I know, but you HAVE to hold still!" It was about the longest 60 seconds of my life. I was whimpering and tears were streaming down my face. "Cliff, talk to me please!!!" "You can do this, Jill, you are doing great - you CAN do this!" It was in. Whew! So scary!

So looking back... I don't think I was at a 7cm when she put in the epidural. I think I was at least an 8... maybe a 9, bcaaaauuuuse....

After she got the needle in things were AWFUL. I cried out "how long before this kicks in????" I was told it would be within 10 min. and that my contractions should start to get less and less painful. Well they weren't! It was the longest 10 minutes of my life. I was crying out and squeezing the crap out of Cliff and having trouble catching my breath. The doctor came in not long after that, maybe around 12:10am? and they decided to check me. The epidural had been put in less than 10 minutes before and what did they say? "You are at a 10 and the baby is low enough and you are fully effaced and ready to push!" "What???" The epidural hadn't even taken effect! Suddenly there were a ton of people in the room and my nurse was putting oxygen to my face and they were turning me on my side. The anesthesiologist was still there and having trouble working the pump. She was administering medicine manually and asking me if I was feeling me legs getting heavier?? I was STARTING too. Oh well, it was go time. They had me do a practice push and then everyone screamed "STOP!" "what?? why?" Can I PLEASE PUSH??? No, I could not. Cliff later told me that my amniotic sac was bulging out like a balloon with that practice push to the point where it almost exploded all over everyone. Ha. So they snipped that and and around 12:16 or 12:17 I was told to really push. I was all out CRYING from pain. Literally bawling my eyes out. After one push I couldn't feel as much and then went into a panic. NOW THE EPIDURAL DECIDES TO WORK???? "Am I doing it right? I can't feel as well!!!" "Yes!!! One more push!!" Seriously?? And they were right. One more push and Ivy Sofia shot right out with a full head of hair and the cord draped across her shoulder like a beauty queen. So crazy fast!

Ivy didn't look like my child at all, but she was GORGEOUS! Where did all of that hair come from? She was so much smaller than Lilia too. At 7lbs 5 ounces I just couldn't believe she was mine. Crazy unexpected, but then so was the whole delivery! So there you have it! The whole story. Lesson we all learned? If you think you want an epidural, just go ahead and get it. Don't wait until you are hurting!

Funny

I just wanted to say that the last post is funny to me now as I had a baby the very next day...

More to come on that!

Hurry up and Wait... Some Thoughts on Patience.

Hurry up and Wait is the mantra of a military wife. Wait on husbands to return from deployments, wait on orders, wait on furniture to arrive when you are moving... from a different country. Wait on babies to be born... oh, wait, that has nothing to do with the military. :)

So the May family is finally together again and we have made it to Virginia. The waiting on Cliff is over! We bought a lovely home in a dreamy neighborhood. We have received our "express shipment" of clothing and cleaning supplies, but are still waiting on our house hold goods and furniture and we are DESPERATELY still waiting on our washer and dryer. If all this waiting wasn't enough, we are also waiting for our second daughter to be born.

You would think that the second time around you would know just exactly what to do when it came to labor and contractions, etc. There are a couple of minor grievances with this pregnancy, though... (ok well actually I've had a lot of issues, but that's another whiny rant...) So I have been having contractions fairly consistently for about two and half ... maybe three weeks now. They are consistently about 15 minutes apart. Early labor. Annoying, but effective at very gradually dilating this cervix of mine. At my last appt at a little over 38 weeks I was dilated to almost a 4 and 60% effaced. The tricky thing is that sometimes my contractions get really close together and are pretty intense for a few hours at a time. The other day we were sure we were going to the hospital when they were about 2-4 min apart and becoming more and more intense.... but then I went to lay down and try and get some rest in preparation of long labor and, oops! they went away. This has happened a few times. I have even had some bloody show along with these intense contractions. So false labor, right? I guess so... The problem is that Lilia (as many of you know,) had group B strep and I, therefore, need to be on antibiotics for this delivery. I need to be on them for a min. of 4 hours, but preferably 6 hours prior to delivering. My O.B. even said that to play it safe she would rather I just go ahead and come into the hospital if my contractions are 10 min or less apart for an hour. Yuck! How tricky is that? That seems to happen all the time now, but then they go away! I wanted to try and labor as much at home with this pregnancy, but I also want to avoid another GBS baby like the devil himself. I don't want to get to the hospital and have it turn out to be false labor yet again, but I also don't want to risk missing the real deal and accidentally missing that 4-6 hour window... or worse having my baby in my bath tub at home!! (I know people that have done this and who can tell with a second baby??) Ugh... I guess I am just annoyed. I'm tired of being pregnant and I am still throwing up. I am tired of being pregnant, but also incredibly anxious about our lack of furniture and no washer and dryer. Can't someone just tell me exactly what to do and when this baby is going to come?

Well... sort of. My doctor at my last appt. decided that she didn't want to wait another full week to see us and had me schedule another appt. for Friday when I will be 39 weeks. At that point she wants me to seriously consider being induced - either that day or maybe scheduling for Monday. Answer to all of our prayers? Maybe. I am a little weary of an induction. What does that even mean? She said they would try stripping membranes and such first. That definitely worked for Lilia. I just don't know how I feel about pitocin. I have never heard anything good about it, but if it can get things going and I can be on the antibiotics in time it would be worth it, right?

So that is my life right now. Waiting and waiting. And waiting.

June Update

I am up late because I am stressed out and pissed off about some things right now, so what better outlet is there than blogging? Right? Right.

The above picture was taken about a month ago out in Utah. Cliff flew in from Japan for a whirlwind trip of car buying, house hunting, and surprise family visiting. I wish he could have stayed for longer, but HOPEFULLY he will be back stateside before too long and this time it will be for a few years. I can not even begin to express how much I am looking forward to a shore tour. I am giddy with excitement. Having my husband home every night?? What that must be like!!

I don't even know where to begin with updates... I haven't really kept track of what I have and haven't written. Too exhausting right now. Instead of coherency you get stream of conscience tonight and you will be happy with that.

Lilia is the absolute light of my (and everyone near hers) life right now. We have experienced an explosion of language this past month. She is speaking more and more clearly and stringing sentences together left and right. I was always a little worried about her speech and whether or not she was keeping up with others her age, but my concerns are gone for now. She is quite the little chatter box and says the most delightful things. Some of my favorite phrases are "Mama I love," and "Mama I ADORE you!" Does it get any better than that? Some other things she has been saying lately include:

" (fill in the blank,) I want it!"
"puppy outside? puppy in a room? puppy eat? puppy smooch? No no puppy!" (and other various "puppy phrases.") She is obsessed with dogs and my mom's and sister's dogs in particular.

"go to nursey?" (Nursery at Church.) She LOVES nursery and drags my waddling figure there every Sunday down the hall. I have to hold her back from mad dashing through the church building.

"I like it!"

"Where are you?"

"Sit mama!" "Up mama!" "Out mama!" "Night night Mama!" and many other "mama commands."

She also says to Cliff on the phone "Miss you daddy. *Smooch*" This melts me. She is just such a sweetie.



Lilia is also SUPER affectionate. I don't know if other toddlers are affectionate like she is, but man she is a little sugar pie. She loves to give hugs and kisses and pats on the back. She loves to snuggle and cuddle and we have "gobble attacks" where we kiss each other silly. I just love her to death. She makes my days and nights brighter and I feel my heart grow bigger when I am around her. I would say that the only negative to this love fest is my growing aprehension about the new baby. I am so worried that I won't have as much time for Lilia and that I will miss things. I am afraid that I won't love the new baby as much as I love Lilia. I know that most mom's feel this way at some point and they have all assured me that there is enough love to go around, but I am just loving my time with Lilia right now. Part of me doesn't want our special bond and time together to ever end. I don't want her to resent the new baby either. No stopping things now, though... we'll just have to see what happens.

In baby news... hmm....
I am still pregnant. I am 33 weeks a long and I feel like this pregnancy is moving at the speed of molasses. So freakin' slow. I'm ready to move a long. Still throwing up. Still having horrendous heartburn. Now I am short of breath and having dizzy spells as well. The midwife said that I am carrying very high and that my diaphram has no where to expand to so I'm not getting as much oxygen as I normally would. I actually blacked out for a minute the other day. She said I need to breathe deeply and make sure my posture is good to allow for as much air as possible. It's true that I don't stand up as straight as I should...

We have picked out a name. I am not revealing it online yet. You can wait a few more weeks. We are planning on having the baby up in Virginia if Cliff can get back in time for us to get up there. I will need to find a new OB stat. I am trying not to stress about these things, but who am I kidding. We will not have furniture in our new house until after the baby comes. I am trying not to stress about that either, but what pregnant woman at the end of her third trimester wants to sleep on an air mattress?? Ok so I am getting pretty complainy here... On the bright side, Cliff should be here for all of this wondrous madness and if we can make it through this summer I really think this fall will be fantastic. I am looking forward to fall in the blue ridge and our new neighborhood is just gorgeous. I am looking forward to our new ward and I am looking forward to Cliff's new job. It should be an adventure. Well... I am tired and have a lot to do tomorrow. Maybe one day I will go back and write more about the earth quake and Japan... but not tonight or anytime soon.