Glimpses of the Future and What I Do Well

   Recently we have been having more and more "good days."  A good day to me entails no tears or meltdowns from me.  That is mostly the criteria.   Kids cry and meltdown at the drop of a hat, but if I can maintain composure and even smile a little too, than you had better believe it IS A GOOD DAY!  I haven't kept a record or tally or anything... more like I have noticed a gradual trend in a more pleasant direction.  I am starting to feel hopeful and excited about the future again!  Are we getting the hang of three???  Maybe!  The girls are adjusting to our new family dynamic and Joel is slooooowly, but surely coming out of his colic.  He has extended periods of wakefulness now without screaming!  So awesome!  It's AMAZING how colic vs less colic can change your whole perspective on life! 
 

  I would also attribute some of my hopefulness to a new attitude I am trying to cultivate.  I am trying to focus on the things that I am doing well and what is going RIGHT in our lives.  I'm so physically spent at the end of each day that I really can't afford the self-inflicted mental beat downs anymore.  I truly can not afford to allot much energy to negative thinking.  It may be easy to compare myself to other mothers, wives, or women, but it just doesn't help anything.  Instead I am am going to start listing and focusing on the things I do well and the things I am grateful for.  I will NOT focus on the things that aren't going well or that I don't do.  Here we go!

THINGS I DO WELL AS A MOTHER:

-I read to Lilia and Ivy every single night.  We never miss.  I make a concerted effort to spend time with each of them individually every night and we choose a couple of stories and I read and then sing to them before turning off the light.  I don't resent this routine, but cherish it.  It's a welcome final note to end the day's song.  It's peaceful and sweet.  We giggle and snuggle and I will miss this time when the kids are older.  I am proud of myself for taking the time to do this every night even when I am exhausted.

-I pray with my girls and I look for opportunities to teach them about prayer and about the gospel.  We read scripture stories together and I teach them, (more Lilia at this point,) about who we are, why we are here, and where we are going.  Lilia is developing her own little testimony and has even shared it during Sacrament meeting.  I am so proud of her and I am proud of myself for keeping up with it even when at times it seems like I am getting no where.  Lilia specifically has a testimony of prayer and that make me feel really really good.

- This is may sound silly, but I feel like one of my greatest accomplishments besides teaching my children about the gospel is teaching them to appreciate and try different foods.  Cooking a healthy meal (or multiple meals,) a day is HARD WORK, but I do it.  I want my children to be knowledgeable about food and their bodies and I want them to have a good relationship with food.  I want them to have a good attitude about trying new things when it comes to food and other aspects of life as well.  I try to introduce them to a variety of different foods.  I am NOT a short order cook and the whole family eats the same meal.

- It is extremely hard to get out of the house with three kids right now, but I make myself do it anyway.  I do it for them and I do it for me.  We go to play dates or our own playground in the neighborhood.  We go to the library.  We went to the apple orchard the other day.  I don't want my kids to lounge around in front of the T.V. ALL the time, though we do watch a fair amount of T.V.  I am proud of myself for getting them outside as much as I can.  Even if it's not as much as I would like.

-  I make art with my kids.  Again, not as often as I would like, but I DO do it.  We paint, we draw, we make play dough.  It's a mess and sometimes the prep takes three times as long as the activity, but we do it.  It's worth it to me when I see how much they enjoy it.  I could just throw in the towel and turn the T.V. back on, and some days I do, but some days I don't - I make the effort.

-  I carry Joel most of the day.  Sure, it might be easier to just set him down and let him cry all day, and heaven knows my back would probably feel better if I did that, but I don't.  I shlep him around in the Ergo almost all day long.  If that's not love, I don't know what is.

 - I try really hard not to lose my temper and yell.  This is probably the hardest thing for me right now and I'm not perfect, but I am O.K.  I don't lose my temper often and I have never spanked any of my children.  Oh I have wanted to, but I haven't and I hope I never do. 

-  This one may sound dumb too, but I make an effort to talk to my kids while we are driving around.  It is so easy to tune out kids while you are in the car and turn on the radio or the news, but I don't anymore.  I noticed a year and a half ago that Lilia really wanted to talk as soon as we go in the car.  Always.  She always wanted to talk.  I have really tried to listen while I am driving or if we don't talk we listen to music TOGETHER and we sing together.  Sometimes I am on the phone when we are driving, but lately I have been trying to ditch the phone as well.  How long is she going to WANT to talk to me in the car??

Ok - so that is the list for today.  I hope to add to it.  I don't do everything right.  There are so many things I wish I did better or wish I did at all, but I KNOW I am doing some things right.  I am not a perfect mom, but I am a GOOD mom.  That is where I am at right at this moment.