The May Family: Thoughts on Gratitude

Baby Joel! We are thankful for you! Even when you are inconsolably screaming!

In our faith we believe that we lived as spirits with our Heavenly Father before we came to Earth. We believe that God wanted his children to grow and to progress so he created a plan for his spirit children, (us,) to come to Earth. We would receive physical bodies and be tested and tried and be given the opportunity to prove ourselves to Him and return to live in His presence as glorified resurrected beings for eternity. We knew before we came here that life would be tough. I don't know if we knew just how tough it could get, but I believe we knew it wouldn't be sunshine and lollipops all the time. Tests aren't supposed to be easy. Education requires some study and sweat. We knew that there needed to be "opposition in all things" in order for us to truly show our trust and faith in this plan. We also knew that we wouldn't be alone or without aid. Heavenly Father sent his Son to be a savior for us and to make up the difference when we try our best and come up short, (which we ALWAYS do.) I've been thinking a lot about this opposition lately. It's so easy to be happy and joyful when life is sliding along without any bumps or obstacles in our path. It's also easy to become complacent, selfish, and unappreciative of the every day miracles we ALL experience. It's easy to forget that we NEED opposition in order to grow and to progress.

Joel is my third colicky baby. I dreaded the possibility of another difficult baby all during me extremely difficult pregnancy. Surely I wouldn't have to endure 6 more months of misery this time around? Right? Oh so wrong. Why would MY Heavenly Father allow this when HE knows how fragile I am after giving birth? I'm a wreck without sleep and I am prone to deep bouts of severe depression. I physically and emotionally couldn't handle another tough baby. Except... I could. Truthfully I just didn't want to. I still don't WANT to. Like kicking and screaming and sobbing don't want to. I don't think that it makes me a stronger person or a better mom to endure the agony that is a colicky infant on very little sleep. What I HAVE learned very very recently, though, is that this "obstacle" has made me a more GRATEFUL person. How strange, right?

I had a few really really hard days earlier this week. I won't paint you a picture - just trust me it was ugly. I was bitter and resentful, despairing and EXHAUSTED. I went to bed dreading the next day. The next morning I came downstairs with Joel and the girls and found that Cliff secretly left me with a beautiful vase full of bright colored roses and lilies and TWO packages of TJ's stuffed grape leaves! I felt so so loved and appreciated by him. I felt so GRATEFUL to have such a wonderful husband. This is my blog/ journal so I am going to brag for a minute. Cliff works every day of the week at his ROTC instructor job and is going to grad school for yet another engineering degree on top of his full time job. This would be enough to be grateful for, but he ALSO helps me by holding Joel every night when he cries so I can have a precious hour or two of "me" time. He also does the laundry, helps with dishes, takes the girls to the park when he gets home. The list goes on. He is constantly encouraging me. He calls me every day just to check in and make sure we are doing alright. I am so gratful for him. Could I survive without him? Truthfully? Maybe. I might be able to, but I sure don't WANT to. He is a remarkable gift to me. I feel like God knew that I would need a lot of help in my journey and he directed me specifically toward Cliff. I am grateful I accepted that direction and followed those promptings.

Today Cliff called and suggested we meet for lunch to break up my day, (again - thoughtful!!.) I agreed that would be a great idea. Would it be hard trying to handle all three kids in a restaurant? Almost definitely, but we decided to go for it - come what may. We tried to time it around Joel's next feeding and even braved a nicer restaurant rather than something more kid friendly. The kids were AWESOME! Joel cried initially and Cliff took him out for a minute and then I fed him and he went to sleep! Miraculous!! Truly. We ALL enjoyed our Indian lunch at Milan and THEN Joel didn't cry on the way home! AMAZING! I had the distinct impression that this day was a gift to me and I felt so very grateful. It may not have seemed miraculous to anyone else. It may not even have been a miraculous day to me a year ago, but it was and IS now. I have a different perspective on what a "good" day is having experienced some pretty rotten days. I have a deeper appreciation of days that go well. Now when the girls behave and treat each other kindly? Grateful!! Today when everyone woke up from naps in pleasant moods? Grateful! Tonight when Lilia went STRAIGHT to sleep without fighting me or getting up a million times to pee? GRATEFUL!

I don't know that I am quite to the point of gratitude for Joel's reflux and colic yet, but I do recognize at least this week that we have REALLY bad days for at least one reason. They have made me so grateful for the days or sometimes even just moments that are good.