Timing is Everything ( A Labor Story)

   It's been a few days now and the details are already becoming blurry.  I figured I had better get this typed up before I forget everything! 

   Like any good story, this one starts with zombies.  Thursday night I rented "Warm Bodies" for me and Cliff.  We had wanted to see it in the theater and never got a chance.  I thought I would surprise him with a rental and since he had Friday off from work and thought we could put the girls to bed and have a little date!  We started the movie after getting Lilia to bed.  During the movie I was having contractions just as I had been for the past couple of weeks.  I had had my 39 week appt. earlier that day and I didn't bother getting checked to see what progress my body was making.  I figured it was pointless.   With Ivy I was dilated to a 4 or a 5 for about a week before she was born.  Cervical examinations are dumb.  Plus they can introduce bacteria and with my GBS history I wanted to avoid them.  They just mess with your head anyway.  I figured I still had a ways to go before I actually went into active labor.  I hadn't had any painful contractions, no "show," hadn't lost the MP, or anything else.  The contractions I had this night weren't out of the ordinary for prodromal labor.  We watched the movie and I would casually comment every now and then that I was having a contraction, but they were never more than 6 or 7 min. apart at their closest and usually more like 10 or 15.  After the movie, (which we both LOVED,) we went to bed as usual. 

  Around 2:15 I woke up with really uncomfortable contractions.  I got up to use the bathroom and wasn't feeling so hot.  I paced around the bathroom with all the lights on for a little while and finally decided to wake Cliff up.  I told him I was having contractions that were finally hurting a little and that maybe we should call our neighbor that was planning on watching the girls should I go into labor.  We decided to time the contractions for a bit first, but after a few more I decided we should just go.  It didn't matter if they were 4 minutes apart or 8.  They were very uncomfortable and that was enough of a sign for us.  Something was happening.  We packed our bags the rest of the way and gave our neighbor Nancy a call around 3AM.  Nancy was fabulous.  She answered on the second ring and was over at our house in two minutes, (she lives right behind us.)  I chatted with her for a bit while Cliff got the rest of our things together.  I would pause during a contraction and sway from side to side.  Nancy could tell I was uncomfortable and we were BOTH wondering was taking Cliff so long!  Finally around 3:20AM we were out the door and on our way.  The drive was awful.  I was holding onto the handle in the door and trying to push my feet against the floor on the way to the hospital.  I did NOT want to be sitting, but what can you do??  Fortunately Cliff drove quickly and there was absolutely no traffic and no deer.  We made it to the hospital and I thought that maybe I should walk around a bit first to make sure the contractions kept coming and didn't peter out.  That had happened to me when I arrived at the hospital with Lilia and they wanted to send me home.  I didn't want to feel like and idiot this time.  That lasted for about... 30 seconds.  I couldn't talk at all anymore during the contractions so we just made our way inside and didn't dilly dally.  I stopped to use the bathroom once and then we checked in to L&D.  We had called ahead and explained ourselves and that this was our third so they didn't put me through triage, but rather took us straight back to room #8.  Our nurse, Elaine, started getting us checked in on the computer and took vitals.  I changed into the nightie I brought and Elaine checked to see how dilated I was.  This would be the first and last check of my pregnancy.  I was 5 cm, 50 % effaced, and baby was at 0 station.  "Huh.  Only 50% effaced?"  Elaine said not to worry.  This was my third and she suspected it wouldn't take too long at all.  How right she was.
  She got me hooked up to the external monitor while I answered some questions.   I was having trouble sitting still, though, so we asked if I could be monitored standing and Elaine said that was fine as long as they could get a good reading.  Unfortunately the monitor kept slipping with my constant swaying and bending so Elaine looped another band around the monitor on both sides to keep it in place.  Cliff set up our computer after this with my "relaxing spa music."   The next step was to get an I.V. in so that I could receive antibiotics for group B strep.  I was DREADING this part.  I hate needles and didn't think I would be able to sit still.  Elaine was really great, though, and got most of it in in between contractions.  I did have to try to sit still through one and it was absolutely agonizing, but once it was in I could move again.  The course of antibiotics would take about 30 minutes and then they could detach the tubing and I could just have the heplock.  I would be able to get into the jacuzzi!  I just needed to hold on for 30 minutes.  I could do that!  I was too uncomfortable standing and rocking so Cliff suggested I switch to a yoga ball and that is what I did.
  At some point my doctor came in to see how things were going and ask if I would like any pain medication.   I had decided after the negative experience I had with Ivy's epidural that I would NOT have any medication this time and Cliff and I had prepared ourselves to go "natural."  I declined the doctor's offer and he left us alone.  I continued to sway side to side on the ball for the next 30 minutes in increasing intensity.  I tried to remember all of the things I had learned in the class Cliff and I took.  This was productive pain.  I could do this.  You get a break in between.  You're opening up.  Ugh.  It didn't make the pain less PAINFUL.  I did a lot of low moaning and that helped a little.  As things became more intense, though, I had trouble with my breathing.  I had Cliff bend down in front of me with his back to me and I held on for dear life as I continued to sway and moooooooooooooan.  I would get louder during peaks and I was sure I was scaring people in the hallway.  (I later learned that no one heard me.  Martha Jefferson must have some amazing sound proofing!)  Poor Cliff was such a sport.  I bit him once and I definitely left some nasty nail marks, but he never complained.  He just offered me water and encouragement and never complained.  He watched me closely and tried to gauge how far along I was.  I was starting to get light headed and woozy.  Cliff asked me if I felt faint and I heard Elaine comment that she thought I was hyperventilating.  Cliff commented that he thought I was in transition.  "No I am not."  I tried to focus on my breathing.  It was soooo hard.  I had started shaking in between contractions.  Then, FINALLY, the antibiotic course was through.  On to the tub!!  We stood up and I looked at the pad on the yoga ball.  There was a small circle of pink.  Cliff and I exchanged a "raised eye brow" look.  I think part of me knew things were really happening at this point and part of me was still in denial.  I commented to Cliff that I was going to try and use the bathroom again while Elaine filled the tub.  I also mentioned that I was starting to feel a little pressure.  Not enough to push or anything, but definitely some pressure.  Maybe I just needed to use the bathroom....
  Doctor Levit came back in and Elaine asked him if he thought I should be checked again.  "Nah, you just checked her less than an hour ago and she was at 5.  I think we can wait." He left the room.  Elaine asked me if I was feeling a need to push.  I admitted that I was a little, but I didn't think I was really ready yet because I remembered with Lilia and Ivy the need to push being extreme.  It definitely wasn't an extreme need yet... I didn't think...  
   So I got on the toilet and the contractions kept coming and I was wailing at this point.  I felt my brain go fuzzy and I couldnt really think straight.  I made it through about two or three and then "POP!"

"My water broke!!" I screamed.  It broke right into the toilet.  Cliff was right in front of me.  And then without skipping a beat, I screamed, "I'm PUSHING!!!!!"  Cliff yelled for the nurses and tried to lift me off the toilet.  He lifted me up and thought I was going to lean on him, but my legs came up too.  I couldn't support myself and he couldn't support me either.  Fortunately a couple of nurses rushed in and lifted me up with Doctor Levit trailing behind them.  I kept screaming that I was pushing and then I just screamed because a baby was coming out of me.  I was on the bed and pushing out a baby all in a matter of about 90 seconds.  I pushed once to get the head out and once more for the rest of little Joel.  Had we waited a minute longer he would have been born on the toilet.  It was such a crazy blur.  Joel was born at 5:15AM.  We had been at the hospital about an hour and a half. 

  I later found out that Elaine was only half-heartedly filling the tub.  Apparently she had given Cliff a look earlier and a shrug that said "suuuuure I'll fill the tub for you..."  She didn't really think I was going to get to use it.  

  Joel was immediately laid on my chest and all I could do was just hold him and stare.  I was in such shock!  It felt so good to be done and so surreal.  I couldn't believe everything had happened so quickly.  Cliff made sure the doctor waited until the cord stopped pulsing before they clamped it and then he came over to my side.  He told me he was so proud of me.  I was too tired to feel proud of me at that moment, but looking back now is pretty crazy.  I think I was probably in transition from the yoga ball on!  No wonder I was wailing like a banshee!  5 to 10 in an hour is pretty intense.  I'm grateful for how it all turned out, but wouldn't necessarily want to do it again tomorrow.  Ask me again in a few months when my brain has turned on the rose colored filter :)

   Joel is a wonderful little guy.  He has already climbed into our hearts.  I wasn't sure how I would feel about a little boy, but that was before I had MY little boy.  He is just as precious to me as our girls are and our little family of five is a blessing I am completely in awe of.  I am so grateful Joel is here and only slightly disappointed that I didn't get to use the jacuzzi ;) 

Our Online Grocery Store! (Shameless Plug for Relay Foods)

   A couple of my friends have recently asked me to expound on our online shopping experiences.  I will try my best in this post to describe the modern shopping miracle that RelayFoods.com is to our family.

  So we've decided we want to eat more consciously and hopefully more healthfully.  The long and the short of this goal is that we as a family (or really just me and Cliff as our girls get to do what we tell them to do at this age...) want to cut out the majority of the processed foods we've had in our diet, buy fresh, and buy local.   We knew going into this that our goal would require sacrifice, planning, and a lot of will power.  We were also afraid it would require a lot of driving and consequently gasoline consumption.   What to do?  The more we thought about our venture into "real food" world we wondered if we were being overly ambitious and unrealistic - especially with a new baby on the way.  I don't mind taking two kids to the grocery store most days, but three?  I can't even fathom that possibility... yet.  What to do?

  Relay Foods to the rescue!  Literally.  We had always seen these trucks parked at various locations around town and even in our neighborhood thinking they were really just a really expensive local food distributor.  We never gave them a second thought until we started planning out our new life style.  Upon a very small amount of research we learned that RelayFoods.com was created right here in Charlottesville by a graduate from UVA and his friend.  They wanted to create an online grocery "store" that supported local businesses and agriculture and saved people time, money, and GAS as well!  It sounded too good to be true.  What's the catch?  Do they jack up the prices of the products they sell?  Do they charge a ridiculous fee to use their services?  No and no.  Their prices are comparable to what we would pay at the grocery store near us and there is NO SURCHARGE or FEE.
   We live out in Crozet, (about 15 mi from C-ville,) and the only grocery stores we have are Harris Teeter and Crozet Great Value.  They are both much more expensive than Kroger, Walmart, etc.  We used to do a lot of our shopping at Sam's Club, but Sam's is far away and we calculated that we were spending about $8.00 round trip to grocery shop there.  Relay DELIVERS the food we order to our neighborhood.  We literally drive down the street and pick up our order.  They PROVIDE reusable shopping bags for us and the first three orders we placed were discounted.   They do have a $5 fee if you spend less than $50.  Um... who spends less than $50 when you go grocery shopping?  Not us.  This fee is waved after you have used their services a few times as well.  But again, we've never spent less than $50 so I wouldn't really know about it.
  If you go to their site you will find that they provide a lot of local and organic foods, but that isn't all.  If you have a hankerin' for Cheerios or Campbell's  Soup, you will find all the staples of a regular grocery store as well.  The major difference is that THEY do all the driving around town so YOU don't have to!  Need a special gourmet cheese, Thai curry paste, bulk oatmeal, cashews, and local grass-fed beef?  This is one stop shopping at its finest.   Grocery shopping with three kids?  No problem!!!

Best shopping idea EVER!

The delicious milk we buy

Local cheese from Marshall Farms

The best Yogurt I have ever had.  This is the maple yogurt, but we usually buy the plain.

   Now lest you think our experiences shopping online have been nothing but sunshine and roses, I will say that there have been a few hang-ups, but they are pretty minor.  When you place your order you can select "substitutions ok" or no.   We have found that sometimes they are out of a certain product and if you give them the go-ahead they will substitute your product with something similar.  Sometimes they are out of the local creamline milk we like that comes from Roanoke, VA.  They have substituted this milk with creamline milk from PA.  Big Deal.  You can also check "no substitutions" and they will simply remove the item from your bill if they are out.  Credit cards are not processed until 12am the day of your delivery so if they can't deliver something you don't lose out.  It just stinks if you really need an ingredient for a dinner or dish you are making.   This has only happened a couple of times and it's usually the local produce that is occasionally unavailable, (local potatoes seem to go faster than a... hot potato!.)  The only time I was really bugged by the substitution was when they gave us green bell peppers instead of red.  Bleck!  Not the same!    Overall we have been incredibly pleased with the service.  Their customer service is spot on.  We were overcharged on a can of tuna once and the guy removed the charge AND credited our account right away!  Cliff has gotten to know the delivery folks and everyone is super friendly.   

    So what do you do if you don't live in Charlottesville??  RelayFoods is expanding!  They also serve the Richmond and D.C. areas and I think they may even serve VA Beach and Norfolk now.  They are continuing their expansion and hope to go nationwide one day.  Call them up or e-mail and ask them to deliver to YOUR area! 

Update on Our Food Journey and Recipe

   One of my favorite successes during our "Food Overhaul," has been our homemade granola.  I'll post the recipe below.  It's an adaptation of a good friend's recipe and we LOVE IT.  When we embarked on this journey into eating healthier foods and more natural foods I will admit that I panicked about snacks.  What will I feed the girls for snacks?  I was especially concerned about Ivy.  She can be pretty picky and I am not going to starve my kids on a whim.  So what have we been "snacking" on?

1.  This granola.  It's great in plain yogurt or if you are in the mood for a treat, MAPLE yogurt.  (Plain yogurt with a little maple syrup mixed in.)  It's also delicious as a cold cereal.  I have been eating it every morning for breakfast with a little milk.  So yummy.  It also makes a great snack by itself or mixed in with applesauce.  Ivy LOVES it.  She will eat it any time and any way.   It has become a staple in our home.  We buy most of the ingredients in bulk and it isn't very expensive that way.  It's chock full of delicious and healthy seeds and nuts and grains.  We sweeten it with maple syrup or honey. 

 Spread out on the pan and ready to bake! 

Pumpkin seeds, sesame seeds, pecans, sunflower seeds, flax seeds, and wheat germ are just a few of the ingredients. 

 2.  Bread.  I know there are a lot of schools of thought out there right now on wheat and gluten.  I happen to feel that whole grains are healthy.  I just don't want a lot of crap mixed in with my whole grains so we have switched to whole wheat flour with NO PRESERVATIVES.  This means it needs to be refrigerated and doesn't have a "forever" shelf life.  I am totally ok with that.  Our girls love this bread.  Lilia asks for it for desert.  I will make them sandwiches or just let them have a piece to snack on.

3.  NUTS!  Our family loves nuts.  They make a great snack too!  We started buying unsalted nuts in bulk and I have actually gown accustomed the the lack of salt.  I thought I would miss it with my cashews but I don't.

4.  What goes well with nuts?  DRIED FRUIT.  My girls will eat any kind of dry fruit.  What I love about dry fruit is that it's delicious, portable, and easy to find without any additives.  We have a food dehydrator and I would like to try and dry some of my own this summer.

5.  Hummus and veggies.  I love hummus.  It's a great snack.  Making your own is super easy too.  If you don't want to buy canned chick peas you can buy them dry and soak them yourself.  I haven't gotten to that point yet, but maybe one day.  

6.  Fruit!  It's a little tricky trying to find seasonal local fruit in February, but some of the farms around here still have apples.  We are going to crazy this summer.  I am already dreaming of strawberries and blueberries.    Yum!

 So the other area we have been successful in, I think, is cutting back on meat and eating more vegetables.  Everyone keeps asking me if our new diet is more expensive and the truth is, it could be, but it isn't.  Meat and dairy is more expensive if you choose to buy grass- fed, pastured, and organic meat and dairy.  What's the cliche, though?  Have you priced cancer lately?  Or any debilitating "disease of civilization?"  We want to eat better.  We aren't looking for a quick fix or the lowest price.  We are looking for quality.   I want to feel good about what I eat and where it comes from.  We specifically want to treat meat in our diet as a luxury and treat.  We have been converting a lot of our usual staples to more vegetarian versions.  Lilia is eating our cashew nut curry that we normally make with chicken and mushrooms.  This week we made it with extra mushrooms and carrots and potatoes.  It was delicious and still incredibly filling. 

   Cashew nut curry topped with raisins and more cashews.  I like to eat mine with a dollop of plain yogurt.   Fantastic! 

 Ivy Loves curry too.  You can see her hair is a mess because she licked the bowl clean.  Literally. 

  We love the milk that we are getting from Roanoke.  The cheese we are buying is also from VA.  The yogurt is from PA, but we love it and still consider that pretty local.  I LOVE looking at the ingredients and reading "milk, and cultures."  That's it!  They must let it ferment a while too, because it is so thick and creamy.  I would like to try and make my own yogurt sometime.  Baby steps.

So we've been making our bread, making our granola, making our salad dressings, making our own chicken stock and cutting back on meat.  We've switched to a lot of local produce, (especially greens,) and all dairy products from grass-fed animals.  I love the "creamline" milk.  It's non-homogenized and has the cream on the top.  SOOOO GOOD.   We are still struggling with a few things like condiments and treats.  It's hard to find chocolate/ sweets or even ice cream that doesn't have some derivation of corn or soy in it in the form of soy lecithin, citric acid, etc.  I guess the easy solution there is stop eating chocolate and ice cream, but I AM pregnant and sometimes ice cream is the only thing I want to eat.  We haven't found any really good unprocessed pastas yet.  I have also found that food coloring is in a lot of things.  I have stopped taking Zofran for now for my nausea and switched to Unisom, but even the tablets I take have Blue no.1 in them.  Why?  Why is that necessary?  I may try to go without medicine at all soon.  That would be the ideal, but it's hard to throw up all the time.  We make some allowances.  Other allowances we have made for now include coconut milk, curry paste, and bananas.  I'm not cruel or unrealistic.  Bananas will probably always have a place on our counter.  So enough of all that,  who wants a recipe??  I do, I do!!


Granola  (adapted from Lynn Johnson's recipe)
6 cups rolled oats
1 c raw wheat germ
3 T cinnamon
1 c sliced almonds
1 c pecans ( chopped or whole)
1/2 t salt
1 c raw sunflower seeds
1/4 c sesame seeds
1/4 c flax seeds
1/2 c pumpkin seeds

Mix dry ingredients in a bowl.  Then add:

1 1/4 cup coconut oil, (warmed to liquid state.)
3/4 cup honey or 1 1/4 c real maple syrup  (We have been using honey because it is less expensive and holds the granola together better.)

Mix well and spread on cookie sheet lined with parchment paper.  Bake for 45 min at 300 degrees.

Our GOAL This Year!

  I don't really "do" New Year's Resolutions.  To much pressure.  People fall off the wagon in the first week and give up.   This year, however, our family is resolving to change our eating habits and we are making and charting goals a long the way.  I have recently re-read a couple of books by Michael Pollan as well as "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle" by Barbara Kingsolver and although this might sound overly dramatic... these books have really changed my views on the world of FOOD.

  I don't think that anyone will disagree that Americans have a very flawed relationship with food.  We spend countless hours researching what car to buy, what electronics are highly rated, what university to attend, and yet when it comes to food?  "Fast, Cheap, and Easy!"  Do most of us have ANY idea where our food is coming from?  Do we care?  I didn't used to.  In fact, I don't think I ever gave it a second thought while I was growing up.  We take it for granted that we have strawberries in December and cucumbers in February.  We don't think about where our bananas come from our how they get from point A to point B.  Some of us have arrived at the conclusion that "You are what you eat," but do we think about what we eat eats??  Does it bother us that animals that are meant to eat grass are being force-fed unnatural grains or even animal by-products?  Mad Cow Disease is of course a rather extreme example of what can happen when we don't take food sources into consideration, but there are also e.coli outbreaks and other unpleasant consequences of mismanaged livestock and feeding programs.  I could write about this all day, but I would bore most of you to tears and I've preached enough.  Our family has decided to make changes in the way we eat, but I feel this is a decision that everyone needs to arrive at at their own pace.  So what changes are we making?  What on earth is this adventure going to require of us?  Let me tell you!


1.  We are removing as much processed food from our diet at possible.  This includes, but is not limited to:  eliminating "junk foods" altogether.  No fast-food.  Possible exceptions for road trips, but we will try to plan for those as well.  We will be making our own bread.   This summer we will be making and canning our own tomato sauces and salsas.  We will be making our own jams and preserves.  We will be making our own chicken and vegetable stocks.  I will probably make some exceptions for favorite condiments, but ALL high fructose corn syrup is out.  ALL artificial sweeteners are out.

2.  We will be buying grass fed beef and pastured animal products.  This includes milk and cheese and yogurt and butter.  Should we feel the need for a sweet fix, this will include ice cream too!

3.  We will be buying as much as we possible can from LOCAL farms and vendors.  We are making exceptions for some international staples and bananas and avocados.

4.  We will be trying our very best to eat by the seasons.  This means gorging ourselves on strawberries and peaches in the summer and possibly letting go of bell peppers in the winter!  The good news is that the fall and winter bring winter greens and winter squash.  Yum!

Our first attempt at roasting a chicken!  The chicken was fabulous.  We definitely burnt the vegetables, though! 

Ivy is excited!

YUM!

Cliff and I feel so very blessed to be living in such a "locavore" paradise.  Charlottesville and the surrounding area boast countless small farms that provide meat and dairy and produce.  We have MULTIPLE wonderful farmers' markets and CSAs available to us.  We are looking forward to really exploring all of the food options we have this coming season.  It would be a crime to bury our heads and ignore the abundance of central Virginia!  Stay tuned as we begin our journey.  Now that I have put it out there we are accountable!!!

Catching Up. I'm Pregnant.

   In case you didn't know, I am pregnant again.  Yup, that's right.  Me.  Pregnant.  #3 is on its way.  I haven't been feeling great, but that comes as no surprise.  Pregnancy and Jill May just don't seem to get along well.  I'm glad that there are women out there that enjoy pregnancy, really I am.  Just keep them away from me, please.  Having said all that, we are absolutely thrilled to be having another adorable baby!  I know I am biased, but I think we have pretty fabulous children.  We can't wait to meet this little bundle of "excitement" this June.  I am currently 19+ weeks, so stay tuned for the great gender reveal this month! 

  Because I was feeling like death warmed over this New Years, we laid low.  We had a family pajama party downstairs with blankets and pizza and Mary Poppins!  It was a huge hit.  The girls loved eating pizza on the floor and dancing along to Mary Poppins.  Paper plates made for easy clean-up and we had everyone in bed before 8:30, (ourselves included!)  We might have to make this a New Year's tradition as we all had a blast! 

Dancing with Ivy!

Snugly girls

Lilia watching the movie and Ivy... being Ivy.

 In other news, Ivy is growing like a wiggly little weed.  She is hilarious.  She has soooo much personality.  She doesn't speak any language that I am familiar with right now, but she DOES speak.  She is constantly jabbering away about something.  Very emphatic in her gestures and intonation as well.  She really desperately wants you to understand her and we really are trying.  I can't wait until we are both on the same page and we can make some sense of her because I'm sure that whatever is going on inside that head is going to have us rolling on the floor laughing. 

   She has developed a really fun relationship with her sister recently too.  They chase each other around the downstairs laughing and squealing while I try to rest on the couch and not puke.  It makes me smile.  I'm glad they have each other because I have been pretty useless lately.  They like to dance together and Lilia loves to hug and kiss her "little moochie moochie." 

Multi-tasking while putting the girls to bed. 

Cliff has been such a tremendous help these past few months.  I really don't know what I would do without him.  He cooks.  He cleans.  He works.  He runs.  He bathes and readies the girls for bed.  He changes diapers.  He never wants me to be pregnant again...   He really is Super Daddy.  It helps that the girls love him to pieces and the feeling is mutual.  

   I haven't been driving much because the motion exacerbates my nausea.  Because of our lack of travel the girls get really excited when we go anywhere.  ANYWHERE.  We have all gotten a bit stir crazy this winter.  I am SOOOOO ready for Spring.  Regular winter blues combined with puking every day takes its toll on a body. 

  I have a lot to be thankful for, though.  This pregnancy is perfectly timed.  Cliff will be home the entire pregnancy and for the babies entire first year!  We have never had that before!  We are stateside with no deployments and family within a day's drive.  We have a spectacular ward family here and super supportive neighbors.  My girls are an absolute joy (most of the time) right now.  They make me laugh every day.  Lilia is becoming a remarkable little lady with a vivid imagination and opinions on the world around her.  She asks me the most amazing questions.  She wants to know EVERYTHING about the new baby.  She asks me after everything I eat, "Mommy, does the baby like that?  Is the baby eating that food through it's umbilical cord?"  "Mommy can you hear the baby kicking you right now?"  I have really enjoyed our conversations these past few months.  She loves to snuggle at night and has recently taken up back rubs and foot massages!  What a gem!

  I'm just so grateful for the love of my family and all that they do for me each day.  I hope that I can return their love and service soon. 

Politics, Religion, and Parenting

  I get called an idiot, a bigot, or a bad mother about 50 times a day every day of the week by my friends and family.  Does this happen to you, too?  What terrible friends, right?  Well not necessarily.  I don't think that these friends and family members are 100% aware of what they are doing.  Maybe they are, but I like to think that they are not and that is what this post is about.  Awareness.

  Not so long ago in a galaxy not so far away human beings used to share their opinions with others about "life, the universe, and everything" face to face.  Subjects including but not limited to politics and religion were discussed with close friends and rarely strangers.   If you did share your political beliefs and ideologies with others, you generally felt out your audience beforehand lest you offend someone or ruin a dinner party.  There have always been those with utter disregard for public etiquette, but before the proliferation of social media, breeches in etiquette were confined to smaller settings and fewer people.   Today when we voice our opinions and our views anyone and everyone hears them.  This can be a wonderful thing!  We can share good news and science and discoveries in less than a millisecond!  We can recommend the latest book we are reading or comment on the Olympics!  We can share recipes or inundate our families and friends with pictures of our children!  We can give a play by play of whatever college football game is on!  This can also be terrible when we discuss controversial matters and forget that not everyone in our "friends" list subscribes to our personal ways of thinking.  This can be really awful when you start to "push" your views or suggest that those that don't agree with you 100% are stupid or even evil.

  It's an election year in the good 'ol U.S. of A. and to say that mud has been slung is quite an understatement.   I don't know that this year holds any more vitriol than election years past, but I feel like the contention is more public in that it's not just college students and high-school students that use social media to broadcast their views.  Now we have mothers, our grandfathers, our neighbor down the street, our old elementary school teachers, our church leaders,  the kids we used to babysit, our college professors, and our softball and swimming coaches getting in on the action too.   It's one thing to post that you support a certain candidate or policy, but I don't believe that Facebook or Twitter is the place for inflammatory political statements.  Posting that "this guy is a hack and if you are stupid enough to vote for him you don't deserve to live," is not only rude, but sort of pointless...  I mean, what is the purpose of posting something so hateful?  Do you really think that you are going to change minds and hearts by calling people stupid?  Maybe these posts are intended only for people who agree with you.  But even if that is the case... what is the point?  If all of them already agree with you, does it even need to be said?  If you want to sit around your own home with like-minded people and stroke each others' egos and pat each others' backs for thinking alike then do that.  Before you post online, though, think it through.  Are you 100% sure that just because you think candidate "X'' is the man for the job everyone else agrees with you?  If you know that not everyone agrees with you, do you wish to offend your friends?  Do you wish to hurt their feelings?  I'm not telling anyone to stop posting about politics.  No one would listen to me even if I did.  I just want to caution everyone to avoid hateful rhetoric or overly broad generalizations about people and their voting habits.  Generalizations like "anyone that votes for "this person," is a Nazi, a thief, a communist, or a hippie," don't do anything productive.

  This all goes for posts about religion too.  Has history taught us nothing about religious tolerance?  Just when I think we are making headway I see hateful posts about so many different religions.  I'm not even going to give examples.  We've all seen the hate and the ignorance.   One of the drawbacks of social media is that while you can read, you can't listen.   You can jump to conclusions, but you can't carry on a conversation (no, comments DO NOT count as conversation.)  Just remember that while the majority of your friends may be religious, or may not, (whatever your case,) there are probably a few outliers that see the world differently than you do.  Do you want to publicly discount their views?  Do you expect them to remain your friend for long if you do this?  I ask myself often... "If this person knew how I really felt about [this] topic, would they "unfriend" me?"  Maybe they would!  Then I follow that train of thought and wonder... do we really want to surround ourselves with people who only think like we do?  Is that healthy or desirable?

  This brings me to my final point.  I am obviously bothered by posts on politics and religion or I wouldn't be writing this post, but nothing irks me more than inflammatory or judgmental posts on parenting and motherhood.  *Deep breath*  Here we go... please parents out there and even those of you that are not parents, but still feel it is your place to comment or judge parenting methods - STOP!  Stop telling people that they are "bad parents if..."  I can't keep up with all of you and I don't want to!  First I am a bad parent if I vaccinate my child.  Then I am a bad parent if I don't vaccinate my child.  I am a bad parent if I let my kid cry it out and I am a bad parent for picking my kids up every time he cries because I am "coddling him."  I'm not not a good mother if I feed my child anything processed, have an epidural during labor, give my child a pacifier, break their nap routine to run errands, decide not to breastfeed, use disposable diapers, etc.  I'm a masochist if I have a natural birth or HEAVEN FORBID a HOME BIRTH where I am taking unnecessary risks!  I'm socially murdering my child if I choose to home school them.  I'm emotionally murdering my child if I send them to public school.  I'm backwards and dangerous if I treat my child's illnesses with  homeopathic remedies rather than antibiotics.   If I consent to the use of antibiotics I am the devil incarnate.

 
 Are you exhausted yet?  Parenting is tough enough without the social media judgement out there.  There may be a million wrong ways to be a parent, but did you ever think that there might be a million right ways too?  We should be encouraging each other - not tearing each other down with passive aggressive posts.  I can confidently guarantee that no two parenting styles are exactly alike.  They shouldn't be.  No two children are alike! 



   I will wrap this up with a few suggestions for future posts and status updates.  The next time you get a hankering to post something controversial try asking yourself these questions:

1.  Is there anyone that might read this and be offended?  No?  Post away! 

2.  Do I care if I offend anyone?   No?  Post away!  Please be aware, though,  that there are consequences.  You may lose friends and start a commenting war.  If this is your goal, seriously, post away...

3.  Is this something I would feel comfortable saying to every single person on my friend list face to face? Yes?  Post away! 


  There you have it.  Now go out there and post nicely! 

Ivy Update (13 months)

Ivy is over a year old now!

I was a little late on getting Ivy's 12 month check up so we had it a little closer to 13 months, but she is healthy and doing well!  Her current stats are 28 and 3/4 inches for height and 20 lbs 12 oz for weight.  She has been consistently in the 20-25% for height and 50% for weight. 

   She has changed so much this summer.  No longer a baby, she is a full on walking toddler.  She started walking at 12 1/2 months and never stopped.  These days she rarely crawls and is getting faster and faster walking.  She keeps up with us around the house and her balance is fantastic with Lilia running around her and bumping into her all the time.  She's our goofball.  She has such a funny little personality.  She is super smiley and still makes her funny "duck" noises.  We don't notice them as much as strangers and friends do.  They always comment or laugh and we just say "yup, that's Ivy!"

  Ivy's has more than "duck" noises in her repertoire, though.  She is now saying quite a few words.  She loves to play with baby dolls and she says, "Baby," "Pat pat," and "Bye, bye" (for "rockabye.")  She carries her dolls around with her and rocks them and burps them.  If you ask her to kiss her baby she will.  She gives us delightful open mouth kisses upon request as well.  Ivy also waves and says "hello" and "bye bye."  She also says "Dada" whenever Cliff is within 50 feet of her or even when she sees his picture or hears his voice.  She says "mama" when she sees... my breasts...  *sigh.*   

  I think my favorite thing about Ivy right now is how well she plays with Lilia.  It is just the best thing in the world to see your kids play together.  Just heavenly.  In the picture above and below they were playing "magic carpet."  Lilia always leads the game, but Ivy is usually content to follow along.  Sisters are the best!!  I just hope this lasts a few years....

   It is increasingly difficult to get a good picture of Ivy.  She is a girl on the go.  She never has been one to sit still, but now that she walks she almost NEVER sits still.  In these pictures Lilia dressed her up and sent her "grocery shopping."  She is a cute little shopper if I do say so myself!

  In other Ivy news, she has 6 teeth and one more just broke the surface.  Her favorites foods right now are raspberries and blackberries.  She also loves banana and baked sweet potato.  If she doesn't like a food or is done eating, she systematically drops it over her tray and onto the floor.  I will leave the room for a second and come back to find a neat little pile of cheerios or beans on the floor and Ivy looking up at me as innocently as can be.  She has been drinking cows milk for almost two months now and loves it.  She is still breastfed three times a day, but middle of the day is about to go. Ivy never took a bottle so we never had to ween her of that. 

  Ivy is still a good sleeper too.  She sleeps about 12 hours at night, wakes up in the morning to eat and then goes back down for another hour or two.  She is soooo different than Lilia when it comes to her night routine.  Both girls I read to and sang to and then rocked them for a minute before laying them down.  Lilia LOVED this routine and would let me snuggle her and hold her and rock her to my heart's content.  Ivy... not so much.  When she is tired she doesn't want to be rocked or snuggled.  I barely get to sing one verse to her before she is bucking out of my arms and diving for the crib.  She leaps out of my arms every night and nose dives into the mattress to snuggle in on her tummy with her arms and knees tucked under her.  She does the same thing at nap time which unfortunately is only once a day now.  Still better than Lilia ever was!  Ivy will sleep for two hours most days!  Amazing!!  (It's all relative, right?)

  She is such a fun kid.  She amazes us with the things she does every single day.  I'm not glad I threw up for nine months, but I am soooooo glad that we made the decision to have another child because life would not be the same without Ivy here!!